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Seamus Hinkle earns 50 demerits for gaseous distraction in the library • Intramural football game cancelled due to footballs being stolen • Abraham Hansen earns 100 demerits for clogging toilets in girls' bathroom • Lemon Oliver earns 60 demerits for lighting custodian's toupee on fire • Make sure to wear formal attire on one day only: Parents' Day! • Carter Montgomery earns 20 demerits for feigning broken arm during dodge ball game • Lucas Horn earns 100 demerits for burping entire Pig Latin alphabet • An UltraStink Bomb was lost in the Kanteen today. If found, please call the Hoodlum Hotline • Mr. Tempest advises history students to bring lots of water for tomorrow's hike • Gabby Ryan earns 15 demerits for stealing Carla Simmons' bubble gum-flavored lip gloss • Good Samaritans fail to catch intruder at Annika's house. Fish sticks left behind • If your favorite food changes, please let the Kanteen staff know! • Priscilla Todd earns 10 demerits for hitting Fern Noogan with tennis ball • Austin Baker earns 5 demerits for tying Sam Fitzgerald's shoelaces together • The Kommissary just received new Hydra-Bomb shipment. Get yours NOW! • Supercool, limited-edition K-Shots are going fast! Get one at the Kommissary before they're gone! • K-Pak screen scrambled? K-Mails lost? Please contact Kilter's IT Department!
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